holy mama llamaaaa.
this is what I get for stumbling during work -____-
Quit comparing yourself to others, quit wishing that you were a different person; with a different life, with a different story, because you bring the most glory to God when He sees you being the person that He created you to be. Your struggle to be something that you’re not will never be successful because quite simply; you’re not that person. Be the girl that God made and understand that you are who you are for a reason; wear your scars with pride, smile at the girl you see in the mirror and tell your Father, “I praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made”
This church is legit.
A hole in the wall in the Castro District containing a body of true, genuine broken people meeting with Jesus.
Thank you for Loving us
So blessed to have spent last Sunday at this place with some beautifully huge hearts:
Give me something brighter -“These Hard Times” by Needtobreathe
Give me something I can see
Give me something vicious
Give me something I can be
Give me all the love and peace
To end these wars
Give me something sacred
Something worth fighting for
It’s clear enough to me
The ugliness I see
Is evidence of who I need
Give me an answer
Give me a way out
Give me the faith
To believe in these hard times
Give me motivation
Give me all my heart’s desires
Show me something gorgeous
Show me till my eyes get tired
Give me all the drums and
Show me how to play them loud
Show me how to move
When I can’t feel that you’re around
Give me something brighter
-“These Hard Times” by Needtobreathe
I find myself echoing these lyrics tonight.
I have a tendency to cover up my sins, mistakes, and painful regrets. The same way I sugarcoat at work that it wasn’t teeeechnically my fault that I forgot to sign an invoice off or take out that one bag of trash…excuses, there’s always a circumstance…ya, it wasn’t MY FAULT really. Then later this leads to guilt, I start to think, “What was I scared of for just being straight up and saying my bad, that was all on me. Next time Ima be a beast taking out that trash!” But I’m constantly frightened of looking bad, being wrong, getting looked at in any other way than a good faithful worker.
But God doesn’t look at us the way a boss looks at us. He doesn’t storm up to me and demand I tell him where the missing muffins are or give me a harsh look when I spill coffee grinds all over the floor. No. He loves me. He wants me to come to him not as a worker bee fearful of the Big Guy upstairs seeing me mess up, but as a daughter admitting that yes, I messed up today and yes I accept full responsibility because I am tainted, weak, selfish, constantly desiring my OWN life rather than surrendering my life to Christ. Yet as I confess all of this to Him, he doesn’t leave me there feeling beaten down and mournful, He lifts my heart towards His grace…reminding me that He is the only one that can “Show me something gorgeous” and that’s Himself.
I’m trusting your will Father. Trust. A word that must find itself in something else. Do I choose to trust myself or the God of the Universe who has declared His love for humanity? The same God who takes my heart and eyes off of the crap of this world and places my affections on something gorgeous and holy. And things begin to look differently. So that I no longer see this world as crap…but as a place that He chose to save, full of people who are loved so deeply by Him, a planet so filled with natural beauty that when I run to the bluffs of Isla Vista I can’t help but say…Thank you…I’m overwhelmed.
God offers something better. He offers us Himself everyday, He offers us Life.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” John 10:10 I have to repeatedly tell myself this, through the hard long days, through times of distress, even through all of this we have been given LIFE. Loved so deeply and perfectly.
“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” John 10:10
I have to repeatedly tell myself this, through the hard long days, through times of distress, even through all of this we have been given LIFE.
Loved so deeply and perfectly.
Undeniably a time of movement.
Its funny how this summer I planned on being in Isla Vista for the entire time and it seems as though the summer has been spent with a foot there and a foot back in my hometown of Agoura Hills. Or maybe its my heart in each city? Split between two worlds, only an hour separates the two towns yet each one so unique that it seems as if my heart desires rest in each place simultaneously. I’m sure a majority of college students feel that way, when at home yearning for school and while at school yearning for home.
I find myself at this place again. Seeking. Satisfied and unsatisfied all at once. Oh how silly the human heart can be. Its as if we try to convince ourselves that if we could just get to that one place, or get that one guy, or get that one grade that we’d be that much happier. We always seem to think life would be that much better if…(you fill in the blank). The whole its always greener scenario. Yet when each goal or object or wanting is finally attained, another goal is set within our minds, another thing or ideal longing that looks better than what we have…and so goes the vicious cycle.
I saw a really great concert last night. Dominic Balli, the worship leader at the church I go to in Carpinteria released his album today and this song really exemplifies where my head is at with this striving for those things that seem so good, so worthy of fulfilling my life when in the end, its all temporary. Love is the only thing that endures:
The American Dream for a small fee
The price of my life and my own dreams
What about a dream where the Kingdom comes
Peace on the earth and his will be done
What about a dream where the people fight
Not for fortune and fame but for saving lives
I find myself constantly falling into this trap, the wishing for a comfortable life, yet finding how deeply lonely a comfortable life is without our souls being quenched and stirred by the passionate grace I have now come to experience. Still attempting to wrap my head around the fact that my life is not my own, but I’ve been rescued out of a life of loneliness and guilt not because I mustered enough courage to pull myself up but by grace alone, because God so loved us.
So even though I’m in a constant transitory state of being in two places, there is no deeper satisfaction I can find than finding joy within God, that He has His way and desires a heart at rest. While physically in two places constantly this summer, weeks spent working away at on campus jobs, cooking with my roommate, relaxing at beaches with Santa Barbara homies while weekends spent with family and numerous catch up dates…I find that my physicality doesn’t matter, but rather WHO my heart is set in. So while I find myself split, I know God has me bouncing between these two towns for a reason and as I’m slowly understanding that I’m simply a servant and a daughter of God, it has become second nature to respond to wherever He takes me with a trusting, open heart.